welcome to my biography.
my endless entries. and am still writing....
yours, truly do i have to spell it out, or scream it to your face? |
26.12.1987 popular sanguine + peaceful phlegmatic |
i, may be your treasure or the price you ve to pay. may be your why or wherefore within the measure of a day.
some is not number. soon is not a time.
Thursday, October 25, 2007/ 7:19 PM
some is not a number. soon is not a time.
please don't let sakura get to me? surprisingly n thankfully, she's nt quite. but i didnt expect mak to. she wasnt tis irritatin b4. nw, pfft~. n it seems nth is eva enough till she gets 1/2 of wat im bringin hm. 1/2?! how m i suppose to survive b4 e nxt one w e other 1/2 cam tu?! *roll eyes* n i hate my week so far. since tt it-tt-shall-nt-be-talk-about, im startin to feel very very xtremely sigh. evrydae wen workin i cant help but to look ard n tink to myself wt ppl might tink of me nw, rite den n there. its lyk im not in trouble but i m in trouble. im nt scared but i m scared. im dead but im nt dead. u get me? haiz. n is it juz me or r we growin apart frm each other? i mish my gals. i mish hana. even the scantest moment of joy is worth the loneliness that follows. I MISH BOIFY CN!! *hyperventilatin* damn. i mish 27, i mish gogo franks, begawan solo eggtarts, north n south wing, staff entrance, sentosa, fort canning, movies, n all those endless fun we used to haf evrydae. sigh. =o( |
destiny is not a matter of chance.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007/ 8:54 PM
destiny is not a matter of chance. it is a matter of choice. it is not a thing to be waited for. it is a thing to be achieved.
insecurity was a pointless emotion n one tt i tried nt to suffer4rm. i haf sum1 hu loves me w evry single beat of his heart, hu tinks of me constantly, hu spends evry min of evrydae juz wonderin wat im doin, where i m, hu im wif & if im ok, 4 tt. but den y nw? issit juz me? feelin lyk i dun gif enough. juz wantin more from myself. is tt it?? sigh. i dun tink i can imagine life w/o u 4rm e moment u walkd into my world. i noe i want 2 spend e rest of my life w u, even more nw tt i noe wats its lyk 2 b w/o u. sexy now. sexy man. 1st in e platoon. 12th in e company. WOOHOO~ tk ke power ke tu. didnt call u mr muscle 4 nth noe. *winks* ~relaku mengejarmu seribu batu jauh lagi~ remember tt song tt i used 2 sing? how to nw?? nnt u ke mane i baru kt mane. pfft~ |
never say never.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007/ 11:45 AM
never say never.
ya, do tt. replace tt word w sumtink else. bt never sae never. cz if u knew den, wat u noe now, ull start to realise tt sumtimes its best never to say never. *winks* king of hearts. you can never be best friends with the mistress. juz haf enough to nt haf e urge to ermm i dunnoe. hehe n it doesnt make any diff if i haf e bez w me la yang, u still haf e new mistress w u. how unfair. HUMPH *roll eyes* n ill finish up all e mb tts left. ull c. =o p if nt enough, ill b more den willin 2 delete all ur other songs n put in mine. *cruel laugh* there wun b much impact on u pun kn boify. ur new mistress can easily fix all tt up. rite yang? tsk. *winks* ok lah kiddin je cn. u noe me. =oP( im happy enough havin ur psp + e tt blue pouch. *slow sigh* n i wun b usin up all mb tts left. coz 1. i cant tink of anymore nice songs. 2. ull den noe wat an outdated girlfriend u haf if u start checkin my tunes out. so ya. =o) happy birthday, happy birthday to you!! anw along, hapi 21st!! wat borin dae u havin. GAWD. pressie bile gaji. i tink. LOL. |
because your arms, they keep away the lonely
Wednesday, October 3, 2007/ 7:26 PM
because your arms, they keep away the lonely.
all tt he's goin thru rite nw, i wish i cud do sumtink to make it all betta. cz it doesnt seem rite gtu kan. nt doin anytink. lyk feel so useless. haiz. anw i tink im in dire need of a bit of TLC. it came back after boify wen back in. i was ok wen i was boify. ya, dun haf to tink already. i m in dire need of a bit of TLC. =o( i want my boify. sob sob sniff sniff. |
i can't show you what i mean so i'll just write it out
Monday, October 1, 2007/ 10:23 PM
i can't show you what i mean so i'll just write it out
parents, irritatin. it goes w e territory. n if u were to judge, on a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being e most irritatin n 10 bein e least, my parents, ey'll b at -0. doesnt apply much to my dad but 4 my mum, she's tt. no doubt. ok 4gt bt irritatin- ness. lets tok abt nt bein understandin. my mum, she's worst wen it cums to tt topic. gawd. i dun understand her most of e time. i wonder sumtimes does she even noe how to at e 1st place. i tink she's too caught up w e fact tt she MUST win in everytink n tt wateva it is, she'll always b rite. ALWAYS. no matter how very wrong she is. she dun frickin care bt wat u tink. she dun even want to hear 1 word of it. to her, to even attempt, is a sign of rudeness. scream at e top of ur lungs to compete w her volume to gt ur point across n she'll outdo u. cry ur eyes out while doin tis if u dare. she'll make sure u'll b very sori. n if u still tink u haf sum chances left on winnin, 4gt it. she'll sae hurtful words n do tinks 2 threaten u 2 gif up. believe me, u wudnt want to noe wat. n e war goes on until u simply haf to surrender coz ur tooo tired or dissapointed or angry at e fact tt my mum's juz lyk tt. n where's my dad wen all tis is in motion u might ask. he'll b there glarin at e wrg party, in most cases its my mum, n will juz keep quiet. onli if e matter gets out of hand will his boomin voice be heard. pardon me. im nt tryin to make it sound lyk my mum is sum undescriable mum w tt even more undescriable attitude but tts her. she may cum out as a sportin, fun-lovin mum to all of our frenz but all of u r actuali misled. she's e complete opposite. worst den alter-ego. bt sampai bile nk asyik cam ni? kepale ku pusing sik pikirkan hari2. y muz she always b lyk tis? she neva unlearn n re-learn. tts y she dun progress. but y? susah sgt ke jadi humble sumtimes? tak kan. GAWD. my tearful nites tis past few daes r all cause of her. plus i mish my boify too. i seriously dunnoe wat 2 do. as 4 starters, my mum quit her job months ago. basically e reason was to stay home n further fulfill her role as a mum. she'll b there to cook, gt e house in order n be there for sakura. PFFT~ or so she tink n sae. but she forget abt e fact tt she haf 1/2 of e responsibilities waitin 4 her tt needed prompt attention. n i noe its suppose to be my dad's wen it cums to all tis but she's been helpin all tis while. she cudnt juz let go of eveytink n let my dad handle it alone. at least wait till my elder sis n me r more settled in our full time job to even delegate it all to us. n tis past few daes, anytink n everytink r all nt rite to her. there'll be more rollin eyes, hyperventilatin behind closed doors n screamin as e daes past. but i juz dun understand her. she's there e whole dae at home n wat does she ever do?? nothin. e house gets messier n messier by e hrs. all thanx to her most beloved daughter, our lil sis, e brat. tt gal, she's spoiled to e core by none other den her. n wen we all reach home, tired frm e dae's work, she'll be screamin n naggin our ears out on e fact tt no 1 started e cleanin. BUT WAT IS SHE DOIN E WHOLE DAE AT HOME?! she doesnt clean. havent started makin e kuehs. nothing. and she cant possibly xpect us to drop everytink n do wateva tt needs to be done once we reach home. she cant wait for me to start makin e kuehs. n cook for e family. i will b too tired. n even wen i did, ade aje yg tak kene. "kueh kau pucat ah. letak colourin ah.(u cant do tt nnt kueh keras, DUH!) asal masak minyak sikit. asal api kecik." asal tu asal ni. jgn buat gtu. jgn buat gini. EH KALAU CAKAP BANYAK SGT, DUN ASK ME TO DO IT AT E 1ST PLACE. DO EVERYTINK URSELF SO TT U'LL BE SATISFIED. N NOT WORI WHETHER I'LL B BURNIN E FRICKING HOUSE DOWN!! OR WORRY N I PUTTIN IN OTHER TINKS TT R NT SUPPOSE TO BE IN!! *HYPERVENTILATIN* i dun mean to be rude or complain but seriously org semua penat kan. ingat tak penat ke. to be on ur feet frm 8-5 n onli gettin my well deserved break onli wen everytink's settled. in most cases tt'll be ard 1+ 2. to sit infront of e comp all office hrs n to be in skul till 6 everydae cz 2nd major exam's round e corner. plus we r fastin. nt tt we dun want to help. den wat abt her part?? wat is she frickin doin at home?! can she juz ans me tt minus all e shoutin n hyperventilatin. seriously. n she keep sayin we dun lyk sakura coz everydae every1's raisin their voice at her. but we cant help it. nth gts into tt brat's head. she's nt even scared of our dad. ape tah lagi kite. jgn ckp sal mak lah. tt is so out of e topic. sakura wun be lyk tis if mak didnt spoil her at e 1st place. its either tt or she'll be sayin " kalau korang dah tak suke tinggal ngan mak, kluar.mentang2 da pandai cari hasil." *hyperventilate* sakit hati + sedih kan to hear ur own mum sae tt. im on e verge of hatin her. n seriously i dun haf e mood to raye tis yr. there's far too many tinks tt needs my attention rather den enjoyin myself on tt glorious dae. n u noe there were daes i tot i cud just run away frm home , lyk wat she said, n escape frm all tis. bt i wun haf anywhere to go. ok la duit bole cari but i wun haf anywhere to go. no, i certainly cant do tt. tts so out of e qns. do tt n face e consequences later? nvm i'll pass. god noes wat she'll do to u. so can sumone pls throw me a reason. y is my mum lyk tis? can i juz haf a mum hu's understandin n supportive. 1 hu cud sit dwn n tok tinks out w n bein able to compromise. i fully intend to be the one you'll be spending the rest of your life with. hapi 3rd boify!! =o) i love you w all my heart. always. missing u badly. kalau la i cud run away n go to u, heaven~ but haiz. n u pass ur rifle handlin test. woohoo b~ 5/53? wow no bad no bad feeweet. hehe. i luv u la! alot alot. XOXOXO |