welcome to my biography.
my endless entries. and am still writing....
yours, truly do i have to spell it out, or scream it to your face? |
26.12.1987 popular sanguine + peaceful phlegmatic |
i, may be your treasure or the price you ve to pay. may be your why or wherefore within the measure of a day.
happy nurses day!
Friday, July 31, 2009/ 11:17 AM
on this dae, i always feel proud to be a nurse.
at the hospital, in a ward, its a battlefield. and there are definitely hierarchies of command. the patients, ey r e ones doin their tour of duty. e doctors breeze in and out lyk conquerin heroes, bt ey need to read ur charts n case notes to remember where ey last left off frm e previous visit. it is e nurses who r e seasoned sgts- e ones hu r there wen ur shakin w such a high fever; ud need to be bathed in ice, e ones hu teach e patient's caregiver hw to feed through the nasal gastric tube n how to turn the patient. e nurses noe e name of family members, e patient's quirks n all. e doctors may be mappping out e war games, but it is e nurses hu make e conflict bearable. u gt to noe em, as ey noe u. its a cliche, bt e reason i became a nurse in e 1st place was bcoz of my late grandma. i ve always wish i understand wt was goin on then so tt i cud be of any help. bt nw, since ive undastood, i wud want to help ppl. n i wonder if wt im doin nw is juz my true nature. helpin ppl. i became a nurse because i wanted to help ppl. bt i sud ve been more specific. i should have named names. sumtimes wen u gt too close to ppl, u gt immuned to em. n u want to be reminded of their presence, ud do anytink to capture it. i remember gettin his colonge, perfume, every scents- rite dwn to which detergent n fabric softener his mum is usin 4 his family. nuts i noe. but once u gt all tis for urself, n each time u catch a whiff of e scent, ull remember him. its lyk as if havin him close to u. n i might nt achieve e same as to hwever he smell lyk bt i was close. coz my mum tot it was unnecessary to be changin e type of fabric softener our family ve been usin. shrug. den it gt hard, cz wen we r no longer 2gether, there r others ard usin it. nw, wen ive gotten over him, n wen mum finally decide to change, every once in a while wen i caught e whiff of e scent, ill b thinkin to myself tt tt scent was once sumtink i was crazy abt. e bottom line, is tt we neva fall 4 ppl we r nt supposed to. cz until tis moment, i had nt realized tt sum1 cud break ur heart twice, along w e very same fault lines. gawd, im such an emotional crack these daes. n im soo tired, im so glad im goin away 4 e wkend. |
don't provoke the rage of a patient person.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009/ 3:45 AM
don't rely on others for your own happiness.
i tink there r crossroads in our lives wen we make grand, sweepin decision w/o even realizin it. juz cz, at tt point of time, it was realli e easiest way. bt if looked back at, do u tink tt reason alone is enuff?? lyk u wish to gt a cup of coffee, wud u lyk it if sum1 gt u a cup of plain water instead? cz its easier, no preparation, juz need to pour. lyk wen u want to pay 4 sumtink using cash, wud u lyk it if e cashier insist on u payin by NETS cz its easier. ey dun ve to go thru the hassle of countin out e change. or lyk, while ur puttin every possible effort in to make sometink work, wud u lyk it if e very person ur doin all tt for decides to walk out of ur life, w e easiest reason tt he doesnt ve time 4 u? but den again, since wen r we given e option to gt wts easiest? imagine walkin all e way dwn to e end of e street, badly needin tt shot of caffeine dwn ur system, onli to b served w water instead. imagine havin to queue juz to deposit e balance cash, juz so there's enuff to be deducted 4 ur bill. imagine, undastandin n nt complainin a word, onli 2 find out its all unappreciated. it jus goes to show how much ur willin 2 sacrifice. but if u want to make it work, lyk u said u'd, u ve to do ur part too, m i nt rite? hold on to ur words, cz talk is cheap. a promise is nt as gd as a deed my dear. n wt do i want in a guy? i want sum1 hu can make me hapi. dancin-on-air hapi. sum1 hu loves me w every single beat of his heart. hus will be there wen i nd him. sum1 hu can make me feel safe, treat me w respect n hu undastands me. i want a guy hu dun make himself up. sum1 hu cud hang out n be himself. tts wt i want most. n if u realli want me, u'd ve to do betta den juz talkin. if u want me, pls noe tt im nt a piece of ass, a 1 nite stand, a storage cheque. i dun need material tinks, im nt a gold digger. i ve my own. i juz want sumtink real. but eventually, if all tis contd w/o any progress, im afraid i'll b cutted up into so many pieces, tt there wun b enuff of me to put back 2gther. wen tt happens, which i hope it wun, i hope ud finally wake up n learn ur lesson. but between nw n den, i hope its all worth it. wen u loved me 1st. before u told me u loved me 1st. |
i guess, better is open rebuke then hidden love.
Thursday, July 9, 2009/ 3:30 AM
all endings are also beginnings. we just don't know it at the time.
its 3:30 am n in still awake. gawd i cun slp!!! my eyes r still brite. pfft~ lucky im on pm shift 2mrw. or nt. n work nw, *slow sigh*. im up to my ears w tinks. thank u sista for promotin me, (i consider myself lucky all e time. frm e time i start work up till 2dae.) bt can i pls slow dwn abit. *scratch head* too much tinks, soo little time. but guess tts 1 of e wake up calls 4 me. to start workin hard lyk i earnd it. u noe, i dun lyk ppl hu r competitive. ambitious ppl, w their eye on e prize instead of e task in hand. ppl hu wanted 2 b e best 4 all e wrg reasons n hu'd take almost any path to get to tt place. beine best equal as bein in e middle, which was equal as bein e worst. all were merely a state of bein. ppl hu were constantly lookin over their shoulders, always look at wt e nxt person is doin, comparin themselves. lookin 2 achieve greater tinks, always wantin2 b betta. n e entire pt of me sayin all tis, was to say tt ppl u constantly looked over their shoulders, bumped into tinks. tts nt gd. u ve 2 remember u ve other responsibilities. u need to keep ppl close. u need to gif em access to ur heart. not all. jus e ones u trust it w. n believe me itll do u soo much gd. what we didnt need to know, we didnt need to ask. some people just dont quite get the gist of that. |