welcome to my biography.
my endless entries. and am still writing....
yours, truly do i have to spell it out, or scream it to your face? |
26.12.1987 popular sanguine + peaceful phlegmatic |
i, may be your treasure or the price you ve to pay. may be your why or wherefore within the measure of a day.
if this isn't love, tell me what it is.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009/ 2:07 PM
an open letter.
dear you, i know this is very random. ive been meaning to do this though. i could have msged you but i know itll end up with endless pages, and i know how much of you not being a fan of long msgs. or that i could say it to you face to face but then i'll forget all that i wanted to say when i finally do. so im doing this. plus, what if this is the only chance i got? sometimes, no matter how much we want something, we are restrained or we lack the means to get it and so we are bound by factors which are all beyond our control. which then means we wouldnt be able to do exactly what we wanted to at the 1st place. instead, we have to settle for a little bit less and hope for the best. and fate has a funny way of making us realize which things in our life to prioritize, which to forget & which to keep. more then ever, im convinced this haven't gotten me anywhere, and i know i am not making any sense yet here. i bet you must be wondering what exactly am i trying to get across. the thing is, so many questions have been clouding my mind and despite all that, it seems that you are the only one who made me risk and trust that much. and its just that, right now, i want to finally give in & tell you what i've always wanted to tell you, i miss you. and all the other tinks u made me feel & do but more than anything, i mish having your presence around. there's a different kind of comfort & uneasiness i feel when im with you. the kind that tells me that nothing is wrong but nothing is right either. and its was crazy, really, bein so excited. we've been out, a few phone calls. but, i don't know, for the life of me, why im always nervous & having palpitations whenever we'll be meeting. and and i know how your ....... alot. ( i don't know what word to use here to describe it. unhapi? unsatisfied? unsettled?) and mayb it might not help anytink, bt i wanted you to know that im always here. i won't let you down. (wow, that sounds corny. but you know that, right?) and you need to keep ppl close, do you know that? you need to give them access to your heart. no matter how strong you think you are, you would need to do that. course, sooner or later, it'll won't do you any good. so what im trying to say here is that, whatever it is, you can have me to rely on. (though i cudnt shake the fear that there's always a catch.) hweva, my onli regret nw is tt i keep failin to tell you what i feel everytime. and each time when you ask, ill hesitate on tellin you wat i m feelin n den i kept lettin e moment pass; den i'll let go of evrything. and wts even worst, i dunnoe wt exactly to do nw except to write you tis letta, & hope it reaches you & to wish tt my words wud find a way 2 make you feel special. to me. the best feelings are the hardest to say; the best moments, even harder to describe but i would like to try. i am not keeping my hopes up. i am not counting the times you make me smile, but i keep on looking back at them. and if those were for friendliness' sake, then that small part of you may be the very reason for this feeling. then that part of you may be all that i need. and surprisingly? i couldn't explain it, but could you? its a tiny million things that made things change. still ... p/s: you are everything i want cause you are everything i m not. |