welcome to my biography.
my endless entries. and am still writing....
yours, truly do i have to spell it out, or scream it to your face? |
26.12.1987 popular sanguine + peaceful phlegmatic |
i, may be your treasure or the price you ve to pay. may be your why or wherefore within the measure of a day.
a treatise on longing.
Sunday, November 8, 2009/ 9:39 PM
if you think im proud, perhaps i should explain. i cudnt bear to lose you, again.
on the topic of besties. e reason tt actualli demoralised me was bt e fact tt 1. ur goin sap n me, knowin, bt nt frm u urself. i noe its a petty issue. bt i dunnoe y it made me felt lyk i wasnt tt important. *blow fringe* tt 2. e reason y im in tis tink is mainly, and still is, cz of u. tt 3. nt tt i dun ve e nds. evry1 is suppose 2 start out cz of it, bt as 4 me, mine is nt tt strong. n wen i sae tt, i mean, i dun want it tt badly. i do want it. bt if i dun ve it, i cud still make do w/o it. if u realli still noe me well, i wudnt want to do tis pn. its neva my kind of tink. tt is all cz of u tt im doin it. tt 4. i look up to u & mr. fiance. both of u r sum1 to me. tt u 2, u r lyk a tack team, 2 me. bt u r nt there. it ok i understand bt at times, it gets frustratin. yes, e rest r helpin me bt nt tt im nt grateful or tt im proud, bt wt i wud realli want is e 2 of u. cz ur suppose to be my bestfren, ur suppose to b my upline n him, hes suppose to b e 1 supportin behind it all. jus lyk hw it has all been b4. n tt 5. ive lost u, as my bestfren. cz eva since u started tis, as much as i hate sayin tis, u r nt e same eva since. him too. to me. tis tink is suppose to bring us closer, lyk hw it has been 4 me & e others bt instead, i feel lyk im driftin apart frm e 2 of u. as for e other. i dun want to fight any more. or wteva it is tts happenin nw between e 2 of us, cn it stop. ive seriously forgotten wt we were fightin abt. wt is actualli goin on, cn u pls enlighten me. cz i hate gettin tt relieved n den tt irritated feelin weneva i gt ur msg. stop tellin me tt ive changed cz u werent there to notice it anymore. stop sayin we are frenz hu r not actin lyk 1. stop makin me feel lyk its all cause of me we are lyk tis at e 1st place. gawd. i used to be able to tell u anytink n everytink. nw, to even send a simple hi msg, i ve to tink twice, jus in case u decide to gt smart & start w me. im sori bt i ve had enuff. im tired of makin myself heard. bt its nice to noe tt im able to lay evrytink out here, n me, hopin tt sumhow tis reaches each of u & tt u wud understand. bt id like it very much if ud try to make me see ur perspectives too. w/o me havin to feel tt im nt up to seein u yet. tt i still cun c u yet. or u, tt i cud hear ur side w/o bein felt lyk im e bad 1. and on the topic of him. hes nt xactly e most average person. n ppl might tink im tryin to b brave or tt im jus plain crazy. *roll eyes* tell me abt it. he was alot of tinks to alot of ppl. bt up till todae still, 4 e life of me, dunno wt he is, to me. all fair pts, 1 tink tt i will always do is tt i believe, against all odds, in e best of him. i love him. and as long as i still do, i believe he'll change cz .. cz .. i dunnoe. cz i love him. it might nt mean anytink to him, me sayin all tis. it might jus b magical comfort food 4 e weekend bt its ok. cz life, there r no gurantees. so tts wt ive been doin n m still doin. im riskin luv. n if eva, *cross fingers*, if eva it didnt turn out e way i hoped itd b, of cz im gonna feel hurt in btwn. bt any pain id feel cud neva eva compare to e regret id feel walkin away frm luv. gt my pt? as for nw, all i want is ..... sumtink. i want him to sae sumtink or do sumtink tt proves to e rest tt tis hasnt all been sum kind of elaborated joke. tts all. all of u might tink im full of it. bt i tink im jus fed up. all of u might tink i can be so arrogant. bt i tink im jus tryin to keep my head up. sumtimes its lyk ive had enuff of all tis, n tts e very reason y im on e verge of givin everytink up most of e time. bt e onli tink tts makin sure tt i dun, is faith. n believe. cz i ve no doubt tt we cud all work tis out. as for now, its just me, against the world. |